it all feels performative

I did it. I finally got back to my roots of hosting my own blog. I even paid for the domain. That's right, just short of $12 for the year.

I've become so annoyed with how performative every online space has become. I can tell which people are not performative and are just sharing just to share, which isn't many really. Most of us, including myself, seem to be performing in some way or another.

Has it always been this way and social media has just ushered a peak version of it? Am I just annoyed with how much of a mirror it is? I'm not sure.

What I do know is that I made a Substack, posted in it, and hated it. I hardly followed anything intentionally to see what my feed would be like, and it's such a mess. Eventually it reduces down to the same experience as Instagram, just with more words. I hated it because I participated in it. As I'm writing this that Substack is still active, so this is a great reminder to cancel that.

Additionally, why should I sign up with essentially a vendor to deliver my own art? Why don't I just pay the hosting myself? Why don't I just sign up for ads myself? Yes, you'll see ads eventually on this blog. We all have to make a living somehow. I promise to influence the subjects of the ads if I can.

Without Substack, and not always wanting to press record on TikTok (because I'm still giving that a shot) I decided to come back to Xanga, basically. I was a big Xanga and Livejournal gal, and for good reason. It was such a more authentic place to be and way to operate. Or maybe it just yielded more authenticty from me than other spaces because I've always felt more confident with my verbal & written presentation rather than my physical presentation.

So here I am reviving the vibe of those safe spaces into a 2026 version for myself that will eventually be commodified just like everything else in this dystopian nightmare of a civilization. At least it will be more on my terms.

Until the next post, suckas.